For Better or For Worse Page 10

  The carriage started to move, and Jenny placed a hand on his chest. She had to feel his heart picking up speed as she tried to find a comfortable position. And if she lowered her hand any farther, he’d have more than his accelerated heart rate to worry about.

  “Isn’t the park beautiful?” she whispered. “All those brand new leaves. I never knew there were so many shades of green.”

  Alex smiled. “You grew up in the Berkshire Mountains.”

  “I know, but I was young and in need of adventure. Believe me, I did not notice the trees or the leaves. That sort of thing didn’t impress me then.”

  The way the sun turned her shiny hair a cinnamon color was of more interest to him at the moment. “And it does now?”

  She lifted her head and seemed to deliberately meet his eyes. “Yeah, it does.”

  “And Cooper’s Corner?”

  She gave him a look that made his heart slam. “It has a whole new meaning for me.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  JENNY SHIFTED POSITIONS, wincing when she moved too quickly. It was getting easier to sit for longer periods of time, and she hoped to trade the walker in for a cane by the end of the week. Physical therapy wasn’t so grueling anymore. At least she didn’t get out of bed with dread each morning, wondering what kind of torture Olga had planned for her.

  She rearranged the pillow she had propped behind her so she could face Alex. He’d finally put down the file he’d received from the clinic by Federal Express an hour ago. “Anything wrong?”

  He seemed a little agitated. “A Great Dane I’ve been treating has stopped responding to his medication, and he’s quit eating.”

  “Sounds serious. What’s wrong with him?”

  “Cancer.”

  Jenny wondered how difficult it was for Alex to treat animals with potentially terminal diseases. He was such a compassionate man, so responsible and committed to doing his best for his patients.

  From her short stay in Cooper’s Corner, Jenny had seen how many people depended on him and how willingly he made himself available to them.

  Folks thought nothing of calling at eleven at night about minor problems with their pets that could have easily waited until morning. Yet she’d never heard Alex once complain or be the slightest bit cross with the caller.

  When the sixth-grade teacher from Theodore Cooper Elementary called at the last minute to ask him to speak to her class on veterinary practices, he accepted without hesitation and promptly rearranged his schedule.

  Alex briefly closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll have to go to the library later, so let me know if you need anything while I’m out.”

  “For research?”

  He nodded and stretched his neck. Maybe the couch wasn’t working so well for him as a bed. Maybe she should offer to share hers. She was healing well, and there was enough room, and of course it would be strictly platonic anyway. And maybe...

  Damn, she needed to forget that idea. “What about the Internet? You can use my laptop.”

  His lips curved in a lazy smile. “Call me old-fashioned, but when it comes to my practice, I want a thick sturdy medical book in my hands.”

  She’d like to put something else in those large capable hands.

  Jenny started at the shockingly erotic thought. Her cheeks automatically heated, and if it wouldn’t make her look like a total idiot, she’d hightail it to her room in her walker before she said or did something really, really foolish.

  “What about Tuck?” That was a stupid question. “I mean, obviously he’s worried or he wouldn’t be calling you, but isn’t he supposed to be taking your cases?”

  “Tuck knows more about horses and cattle. He’s a trained vet but he’s primarily a rancher and hadn’t practiced medicine outside his ranch until he moved to Cooper’s Corner last Christmas.”

  “Oh. I thought he’d been here awhile. You seem like such good friends.”

  “We hit it off right away or else I wouldn’t have taken him on as a partner.”

  “Tell me if I’m being too nosy, but I’m curious. Why did you want a partner?”

  Alex shrugged. “It’s hard to get away when you’re the only vet in town.”

  She drew her head back in surprise. She’d learned a lot about Alex in the past few weeks. He was a homebody and might even be semi-reclusive if not for his job. “I didn’t realize you took a lot of time off.”

  “I don’t. That’s the point. But I figured it would be nice to do some traveling.”

  “Oh.” That piece of news did more than surprise her—it shocked her. “Where would you like to travel?

  He lifted a shoulder. “Wherever the spirit moves me.”

  This didn’t sound at all like Alex. “You never said anything.”

  He lifted a brow.

  “I didn’t mean that you owe me an explanation or anything, it’s just that now you’ve been burdened with me, and—”

  “Hey, stop.” He caught and held her gaze. “You’re not a burden.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Jenny, I’m right where I want to be. The end. No discussion necessary.”

  Yet another side to Alex. He wasn’t usually so stern. “I still have a lot of contacts in the hotel industry. I can probably get you some good room rates when you’re ready.”

  “Great,” he said with a definite lack of enthusiasm.

  She wasn’t feeling so chipper herself. It was ridiculous for her to feel this unsettled to learn he had a serious case of wanderlust. Was it caused by guilt, knowing he couldn’t go anywhere for another eight months or so because of her?

  Or maybe she felt a little bereft at the thought of Alex leaving Cooper’s Corner, even for a vacation. Whenever she thought of settling there, she pictured Alex being there as a friend. She watched him gather his paperwork, drawn by his long, lean fingers, and her stomach tensed. Who was she kidding? She hadn’t thought of Alex as merely a friend in almost a month.

  But that’s apparently all he wanted to be to her. She didn’t doubt there was some physical attraction. He’d subtly expressed interest from time to time, but obviously not enough to act on beyond a few kisses.

  “Have you thought about what you want for lunch?” he asked, briefly glancing at her before tucking the file into the envelope.

  “A hot fudge sundae.”

  His gaze flew up again, his eyes narrowed. “Seriously?”

  She gave him a solemn nod. “Very seriously.”

  “You must be feeling better.”

  “I told you I have been. Within the next three days, Dr. Sage should give me the okay to go home. Now, about that hot fudge sundae...”

  A slight frown drew Alex’s brows together, and he studied her with unnerving intensity. “Home meaning Cooper’s Corner or our house?”

  “Is there a right answer?” she joked, but he didn’t smile. How was she supposed to answer a question like that? “Both, I guess.” She moistened her lips and quickly added, “I know it’s only temporary, but I do consider your house home. But just for now.”

  “It is your home.”

  “And the farm.” She hurried on, hoping she hadn’t said anything that put her foot in it. “It’s great that Tuck’s taken over Dad’s chickens, but I’m going to have to start thinking about what to do with the house. Obviously I can’t afford to fix it up.”

  “Would you want to?”

  She shrugged, curious to see his puzzled expression. “It’s a moot point.”

  “Humor me. If you had the money, would you fix it up?”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  A flash of disappointment in his eyes made her even more curious. “Because that would mean you’d have to stick around Cooper’s Corner.”

  “That isn’t it at
all.” She didn’t know what he was getting at, but she didn’t like being questioned. Especially since the truth might scare the hell out of him, and she didn’t want to do that.

  “Yeah? So what is it?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  He looked hurt. “Why wouldn’t I be curious? The land borders mine.”

  So his interest wasn’t personal. Not anything to do with her, anyway. She should have been relieved. “I’d love to be able to keep the place. The farm has been in the Taylor family for generations. But how could I make a living? I don’t know how to farm. My father did, and he couldn’t even make a go of it.”

  “Your father didn’t have his heart in it.”

  “What do you mean? He loved the place. And he did have some small success with his chickens.”

  “Never mind.” Alex pushed a hand through his hair and got up. “This conversation is pointless.”

  “Wait a minute. I want to know about my father.”

  “Thought of anything you need while I’m at the library? I might as well head out so I can be back before rush hour.”

  “Damn it, Alex, don’t you dare walk out in the middle of this.”

  “Middle of what? I asked if you wanted to keep the farm, and you said you didn’t. That’s it.”

  “Don’t put words in my mouth. And don’t try and change the subject, either.”

  He grabbed the keys off the counter. She couldn’t believe it. He was going to leave without finishing their discussion. She tried to struggle to her feet, but in her haste she kept slipping.

  “Don’t do that, Jen.” Alex was beside her in a moment with a steadying hand, his voice low and soothing. “I’m not going anywhere yet.”

  She wanted to cry. She felt so helpless suddenly. And on top of everything, she’d bumped the incision and now she hurt. “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

  He sat next to her on the couch, his lips curving in a faint smile.

  “Don’t look at me like that.”

  He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. “Like what?”

  “Like ‘I told you so.’”

  He shook his head. “Are you all right?”

  “Of course.” She swallowed, more embarrassed than in pain. “I know I wasn’t the daughter he wanted.”

  He reared his head back in genuine surprise. “You can’t believe that. He was so proud of you.”

  “I know, but still, he wanted me to— I left him. He had no one. It had always been just the two of us. He was both mother and father to me, and I left him.”

  “Jen, don’t.” Alex put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her. “Do you think he expected you to stick around? How much opportunity is there for a bright, ambitious young woman in Cooper’s Corner?”

  She sniffed. Alex was being kind, but none of that mattered. She’d left her father alone, and the guilt nagged at her.

  “How many of your friends from high school still live there?”

  “Only one, but that’s not the point.”

  “You think your father would have wanted you to stay just so he wouldn’t be alone? Would he have wanted you to forgo a career in which you obviously have done very well?”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “More than you think. Your dad missed you, of course, but he wasn’t lonely. Several times a week we had dinner together and played a couple of games of chess. He regularly delivered fresh eggs and chickens to Maureen at the B and B and usually ended up staying for breakfast and fixing a few things around the place for her. They got to be pretty good friends.

  “Every other Saturday evening he and a few others played cards at Philo and Phyllis’s house. He volunteered for the annual Fourth of July picnic and the Founders Day barbecue. Don’t think he shut himself in because you were gone.”

  “You’re not making me feel much better,” she muttered. Why hadn’t she known all this? Of course her father had told her about some of his activities. Had she been so self-absorbed for the past few years that their letters and conversations had all revolved around her? “I should have known more about him, about what he did every day—”

  “Jen.” He squeezed her shoulders. “He lived on a farm. His life was pretty routine most of the time. Raising chickens and playing cards on Saturday nights isn’t much to talk about.”

  She sighed. Some of what he said made sense, but still he didn’t understand what it was like growing up without a mother and having your father play both roles. Ed had sacrificed for her many times, and she’d skipped town.

  “Don’t look for ways to feel guilty and beat yourself up. That’s a familiar and comfortable emotion so our minds immediately go there. But it’s destructive thinking, a no-win situation.”

  “You know this from experience?” she asked, instantly regretting her defensive attack.

  He didn’t even blink. “Yes.”

  Jenny looked away. “I guess we’ve all experienced guilt, whether justified or not.”

  “That we can agree on.”

  At the quiet humor in his voice, she met his eyes again. He gave her a reassuring smile, and she gathered her courage and asked, “Do you have regrets about Sara? I mean, do you still think about her a lot?”

  He flinched, and she heard his sharp intake of breath.

  Jenny shrunk away from him. “Forget it. That was too personal. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s all right. You just caught me off guard.”

  “Still, we don’t have to talk about it. Really.”

  “It’s okay, Jen. Really.”

  His imitation of her was perfect, and she made a face at him.

  Alex smiled. “Yeah, I still think about Sara. Mostly when something reminds me of her and triggers a memory. But I don’t think about her every day like I did when she died. Then my thoughts were almost obsessive, crippling. I had trouble going to work. Good thing I was the only vet in town at the time because it forced me into the mainstream.”

  “I remember her only vaguely. Didn’t her family move into town when she was in high school?”

  He nodded. “I was a senior and she was in the ninth grade, but she’d come from a gifted program in Boston, and we were assigned a science project together.”

  “I bet that hurt your tender male ego,” Jenny teased, sensing that he wasn’t upset by the conversation.

  “Damn right. I was seventeen, a jock and top of the class, while she was only in the ninth grade and a girl.”

  Jenny laughed. “Poor Sara. She didn’t know what she was in for.”

  “Poor Sara nothing. The first thing she told me was that whatever macho crap I was feeling, to get over it.”

  “We would have been great friends.”

  He became serious, and Jenny was suddenly afraid she’d said too much.

  “You do remind me of her in some ways,” Alex said at last. “Like her, you’re a strong, independent woman who knows what you want.”

  Jenny started to say something then closed her mouth. She didn’t want to open herself up to questions. Until this past month, she’d thought of herself in precisely that way, but now she was so damned confused she didn’t know what to think.

  The notion of staying in Cooper’s Corner had taken a hold on her she didn’t understand. Of course, part of it had to do with Alex. She could hardly spend all this time with him and not get attached.

  But what would she do for a living if she did stay? And how would Alex feel about her living in the same town once she was on her feet and they got a divorce? Would he feel threatened? Would he think she was cramping his style?

  “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? You look awfully melancholy.”

  “What?” Jenny realized she’d been off in her own world too long. She shrugged. “No, I was just thinking a
bout the comment I made about Sara and me being friends, and that got me wondering about the age difference between us. I had to be in grade school when she arrived in Cooper’s Corner. That’s why I don’t remember her too well.”

  “Ah, small town life. Everyone knows when everyone else comes and goes. Sure you don’t miss it?”

  “That part? Definitely not.”

  They both chuckled.

  Comfortably relaxed with his arm around her shoulder, she decided to push her luck. “Can I be nosy and ask one more question?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Why didn’t you have kids?”

  Immediately he tensed. “We’d planned on starting a family.” He paused. “We disagreed on when to start, and then it was too late.”

  God, when was she going to learn to leave well enough alone? She shouldn’t have asked something so personal. And she definitely wouldn’t ask who wanted to wait, even though she was crazy to know.

  “You asked if I had any regrets. That would be the biggest one I have. Waiting to have children.”

  She put her hand over his. It was so much larger than hers, she barely covered any of it. He turned his hand over so that their palms met. “Remember, don’t beat yourself up over it. You probably wanted to get established in your practice and get the clinic off the ground. That’s perfectly understandable.”

  “I’m not the one who wanted to wait.”

  “Sara did?” Jenny mentally shook her head at the inane remark. “I don’t know why I made the assumption it was you.”

  “It doesn’t matter. The end result is the same.”

  She squeezed his hand, and his lips curved into a sad smile. She hated seeing him look like this. Why the heck had she brought up the subject? “You can still have children.”

  One brow lifted in amusement. “Are you offering?”

  Jenny started to sputter a response, but Alex quickly intervened.

  “Don’t worry. It was just a joke.”

  She coughed to buy herself time to calm down.

  “Are you okay? Lean forward and let me tap you on the back.”

  She shook her head. “I’m fine. I knew you were joking. You just took me by surprise.”