For Better or For Worse Page 15

  “I thought about it.”

  “And?”

  “I decided to leave you alone.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you had enough—” He snorted. “Let’s just say you had a rather full day and you need to rest.”

  “Do me a favor.”

  His brows rose.

  “Don’t decide what’s best for me. I do that quite nicely.” She got to the edge of his bed and trailed a finger down the valley in his chest to his waist. She heard his sharp intake of breath and slid her finger down another inch until it dipped beneath the elastic of his pajama bottoms.

  “I wouldn’t do that,” he whispered hoarsely.

  “Why not?” She slid a hip onto the edge of the bed. “Earlier you were ready to bring me here.”

  He moved over to give her room. “I had time to think.”

  “Bad idea. No thinking allowed.”

  One side of his mouth lifted. So did the sheet. If he tried to tell her he wasn’t interested, she was fully prepared to be indelicate. “I want to make love to you, Jen. I won’t deny it. That doesn’t make it the right thing to do.”

  “You were ready to make love with me earlier.”

  “Like I said, I’ve done some thinking.”

  She crawled in beside him, resting her forearm and cheek on his chest. “And like I said, no thinking.” She looked up at him. “For tonight, can we just feel?”

  “Damn it, Jen, you make it so hard.”

  “My intention exactly.”

  When he got her meaning, he laughed and shook his head. He moved toward the center of the bed and pulled the sheet back in invitation.

  She scooted closer to him, and he let the sheet fall over them.

  He made sure she had a pillow. “Comfortable?”

  “Very.”

  His large hand cupped her bare thigh. “You sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Even with all these clothes on?”

  She smiled and reached for the hem of her nightshirt. He got to it first and slowly drew the shirt up her body and over her head. She really wished he’d just rip it off her, but she knew he wouldn’t for fear of hurting her.

  He threw the nightshirt on a chair then ran a hand down her side, over the curve of her hip. She snuggled closer, and he touched his tongue to her breast. He tried to slide his hand between her thighs, but she clamped them together. He tensed and started to withdraw.

  “Not so fast, big guy.” She hooked two fingers into the elastic waistband of his pajamas and tugged them down. “It’s your turn.”

  He helped her by lifting his hips off the bed and kicking off the bottoms. Already fully aroused, he closed his eyes when she reached for him and ran her palm down his hard length. She encircled him with her hand, and he shuddered against her.

  “Jen, let’s go slow, honey.” His words rasped against her skin as he kissed her shoulder.

  “Slow?” She laughed softly. “We’ve been trying to get to this point for days.”

  He didn’t laugh, but groaned as she stroked him. The powerful feeling his reaction gave her pumped her with courage. This was still new territory for her. Her limited sexual experience hadn’t provided much reassurance. But with Alex, everything seemed right. With him, she felt safe to experiment. If she blundered, they would only laugh.

  She hoped.

  Alex groaned and pushed into her palm. He slid a hand around her nape and pulled her to him for a deep, soulful kiss, then he released her and turned away. The loss she felt was so swift and devastating that it took her breath away.

  He rolled over, reached into his nightstand drawer and brought out several packets of condoms.

  “Oh.” The heat returned, heading straight for the juncture of her thighs. “Alex, would you turn off the light?”

  He touched the tip of her hardened nipple with the pad of his thumb. “Why?”

  “Because.”

  “I love looking at you.” He palmed her breast then dipped his head to lick the nipple. “You’re so beautiful, Jen.”

  She wished he hadn’t said that. Her old shyness and misgivings returned. “I don’t want you to see the scar,” she whispered, and snuggled into the pillow, hoping to hide the flush she felt climbing up her cheeks.

  He tilted her chin and kissed her briefly. “Honey, the scar doesn’t bother me. It’s a part of you. It’s a sign you’re healing.”

  “Yeah, but it’s pretty awful.”

  “I’ve seen it, Jen. It’s not awful.” He kissed her again, and she closed her eyes and focused on the feel of his mouth exploring hers and the way he rubbed his chest against her nipples.

  “Please.” She sighed when he finally broke the kiss and his lips teased the delicate skin of her throat. “Just this once, let’s turn off the light.”

  He said nothing, but rolled over and extinguished the dim glow. She used the opportunity to find his arousal again, a little disappointed that she couldn’t look at him.

  “Jen...” Alex kissed behind her ear and down her neck at a fevered pace. “I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.”

  “Good.”

  Outside, Bagel barked. Too bad. She’d left him there so he wouldn’t interrupt.

  “Honey, wait.” Alex tried to still her hand.

  She’d have none of it. And then she heard the foil packet ripping. When he touched her hand, she let it fall away while he sheathed himself.

  “I think it would be better if you’re on top.” He slid his hand over the curve of her hip.

  She nodded, even though he couldn’t see her, and slowly straddled him. He let her set her own pace, and when she finally sank onto him, she bit her lip to keep from crying out. Not in pain. But he felt so damn good inside her.

  So right.

  He moaned her name and cupped her breasts. She picked up the pace, and he filled her with such bliss she knew she was home. Where she wanted to be. Forever.

  * * *

  A NOISE WOKE Jenny. She blinked at the red glow of Alex’s digital alarm clock. Two-thirty. How the heck could she have fallen asleep?

  Beside her, Alex’s chest rose and fell with his deep breathing. He still had one arm around her, and one of her legs was draped over his and her left hand rested on his firm stomach. She wanted to stay like this forever.

  She swallowed a sigh, afraid of waking him. Of course Alex awake would be good, too. Heat surged through her at the memory of sitting on top of him, his arousal hot and heavy inside her.

  She closed her eyes, savoring the memory.

  Bagel barked.

  Oh, God, the poor thing was still outside.

  Jenny slowly pushed herself up and started to inch away from Alex.

  “Stay here.” His voice was thick with sleep, but his arm tightened around her.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  “Where are you going?”

  Bagel barked again.

  “Ah.” Alex kissed her forehead. “I’ll take care of him.”

  “No, I’m the one who left him out, and you have to work tomorrow.” She tried to beat him out of bed, but he was quicker.

  “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  Her eyes had grown accustomed to the semidarkness, and she watched him go to his dresser and pull out a pair of boxer shorts. He really had a great body, so lean and firm, and she started to get hot and bothered all over again.

  He stopped at the door. “Can I get you anything? Some water?”

  “No, thanks. Just hurry back.”

  She thought she saw him smile. It was easy to imagine that sexy grin of his. And as much as she’d love to lie back and replay their earlier lovemaking in her head, a trip to the bathroom took precedence.

  Foolishly
forgetting about her back, she rolled over to the edge of the bed. Her foot hit the floor, and the unexpected pain made her wince. Caught off guard, she lost her footing and slid down the side of the mattress to the floor. A shooting pain brought tears to her eyes.

  Clutching the quilt, she tried to struggle to her feet. Desperation and panic undermined her attempt, and she sat helpless and shaking. How stupid could she be? She should have been more careful. Tonight she’d used muscles that had been dormant since the surgery. Of course they’d give out.

  Tears of frustration spilled down her cheeks as she tried to lift herself without success. She couldn’t let Alex see her like this. He would blame himself. He would stay away from her, treat her as if she were too fragile to...

  “Jen?” He flipped on the ceiling light.

  She blinked at the brightness and covered her eyes with her hands. Her cheeks were wet beneath her palms.

  In an instant, he crouched beside her and gently tugged her hands away from her face. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I—I slipped.”

  “Oh, Christ.”

  “I’m okay. If you’d just help me up...”

  “I’m going to call the paramedics.”

  She gasped. “Don’t you dare! That’s crazy.”

  “You don’t understand, Jen. That’s a big incision. You could have—”

  “Either you help me up or I do it myself.”

  He hesitated. “I’m going to want to have a look at it.”

  “Fine.”

  “It might be easier if I pick you up.”

  “No. I’d rather you pull me to my feet.”

  He stood and took her hands. “Ready?”

  She nodded and braced herself.

  He slowly, gently pulled her up until she could stand on her own.

  A pain shot up her spine, but she tried to keep a straight face. She even managed a smile.

  “Okay?” he asked, his face so dark with concern it unnerved her.

  “Yeah, but I have to go to the bathroom.”

  He nodded and took her elbow.

  “I’m fine to go by myself.”

  “Now isn’t the time to get stubborn, Jen.” He looked different somehow. He wasn’t her lover anymore, but her caregiver. She hated the transformation.

  “Walk with me if you want. But I do have to go now.” Better to tell the small fib than to have him examine her.

  He stayed beside her as she slowly made her way to the bathroom.

  Once she got inside and closed the door, she looked over her shoulder into the mirror. The scar area was red, but it didn’t seem worse. She’d bumped it good and would have been surprised if there had been no pain, but she’d really gotten to know her body, and she felt certain no damage had been done.

  Satisfied and truly not too sore, she went about her business. When she was finished and opened the door, Alex waited just outside. Their eyes met, and she could see the regret in his. It went all the way down to his soul. The old cautious, reserved Alex was back. Couldn’t they ever catch a break?

  * * *

  JENNY WAITED ON hold for the fifth time. She didn’t care. She was on a mission. So it was a busy weekend in Boston. There had to be one hotel room available. And she’d find it if it was the last thing she did.

  As she waited, her gaze ran down the list of inns in the yellow pages. She’d briefly thought about booking a bed-and-breakfast an hour or so away from Cooper’s Corner, but then decided that wouldn’t do. Someone would find them. Or someone would know someone who knew Alex. They needed the anonymity of Boston.

  They needed to stay in a place where Alex couldn’t fabricate a distraction.

  It had been two days since they’d made love. Two days since she’d shared Alex’s bed. He was back to being tentative around her, treating her with kid gloves, staying away for long hours but constantly calling to check on her. They barely had a moment’s peace together.

  An epidemic had obviously consumed the Berkshires. Every dog, cat and cow had some kind of ailment, and everyone called Alex. Tuck was gone for a few months. He had taken his family back to his ranch in Montana. He delayed his trip to help out at the clinic while Alex was in New York. But Alex had encouraged him to resume his plans and now Alex was working solo.

  Nevertheless, she was relatively certain Alex encouraged the calls. He seemed to grab every distraction he could, anything that would keep him away from home.

  The situation drove Jenny bananas.

  She tapped the eraser end of the pencil on the kitchen table while she waited for the clerk to come to the phone. If this hotel didn’t work out, she’d found a small inn to try right outside of Boston. Not her preference, but at this point, if a room was available, she’d take it.

  The clerk came back, and again no luck. Jenny punched in the number to the inn. The woman who answered owned the place, and she had one room left to rent. Jenny grabbed it and was in the middle of giving her name and credit card information when Alex got home.

  He smiled at her, laid his keys on the counter as he always did, then went to the refrigerator for some water. That was his routine. He wasn’t purposely listening to her conversation, she knew, but his curiosity had obviously been stirred.

  He sat at the table as soon as she hung up.

  “Hi, how was your day?” She gave him a bright smile as she gathered the phone book and her list of numbers with the directions to the inn she’d booked.

  “Fine.” His gaze went to her credit card and the paper on which she’d scribbled their confirmation number. “How was yours?”

  “Busy.”

  “I see.” He looked expectantly at her.

  “I finally got reservations for the weekend,” she said breezily.

  “What reservations?”

  “You know how we talked about getting away...”

  His expression darkened. “That was before.”

  She widened her eyes, all innocence. “Before what?”

  “Before you hurt yourself.”

  “Big deal. I slipped. Accidents happen. That didn’t change anything.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not a good idea.”

  “You can’t keep me in a cage like Plato. I’m not going to break, and I can make my own decisions.” She took a breath. “I am going away this weekend, and I really, really would like it if you came with me.”

  “But you’d go without me?”

  She swallowed and nodded.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  ALEX SET AN extra pillow in the passenger seat of the car he’d rented for the weekend. Jen had insisted they take the truck. He’d proven he could be just as stubborn as she was. No way would he let her ride for three hours in that old truck with the worn shock absorbers.

  As soon as they got back, he planned on looking for a new car. Maybe he’d trade the truck in on an SUV. The ride would be more comfortable for Jenny, yet he could still lug around all the stuff he needed for house calls.

  But then again, in a few months, Jenny would be gone. Back to her old life, her old friends.

  Which was for the best.

  The night they’d made love had been a wakeup call. So damn bittersweet. One moment he’d thought he could never live without her and the next he knew, without reservation, that he could never open his heart to someone so fragile, a woman capable of wounding him deeper than the loss of Sara had already damaged him.

  “You brought out another one?” Jenny stared at the pillows he was arranging. “There won’t be any room for me.”

  “Good, we’ll stay home.”

  She gave him a dry look. “You’re welcome to stay home,” she said sweetly. “I’ll take my car.”

  “Yeah, right.” They both knew her car was on its last leg.


  “Oh, come on, Alex, we’re going to have a great time.” She tossed her small carry-on into the backseat.

  “You should have let me bring that out for you.”

  “It wasn’t heavy or I would have let you carry it.” She gave him a serene smile, but her tone was anything but patient.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  She glared at him. “If you don’t get in the damn car right now, I will have to hurt you.”

  Alex couldn’t help but smile. He still wasn’t crazy about the idea, but he knew there was no way of stopping her once she had her mind set on something. At least he’d be there with her if she fell again or if anything else went wrong.

  He waited until she got into the passenger seat and then closed her door. His bag was already in the trunk, and a small cooler with water and a couple of green apples was stowed on the floor behind his seat. He climbed in behind the wheel and had to clamp his mouth shut before he asked her again to reconsider this trip.

  He had to get over his anxiety. He wasn’t fooled. Her fall and the way she’d started limping had triggered some old feelings that had to do with Sara and when she’d gone from her short remission to chemotherapy. Jenny wasn’t sick like Sara had been. This was a totally different situation. But he wished Jenny would take her recovery more seriously. If anything happened to her...

  He put the mental brakes on. He couldn’t think about that possibility. Couldn’t afford to. Anyway, she wasn’t his responsibility. So why did he feel so torn up inside?

  Jenny didn’t say a word for the first twenty minutes of the drive. She studied Alex’s profile as he drove, painfully aware of the way he gripped the wheel, of the tension radiating from him. She felt so damn helpless. This was about her, of course. He was worried, and she figured a lot if that had to do with the torment he’d gone through with Sara.

  At one point, two miles from the house, she’d almost given in and told him to turn back. But she knew that wasn’t the answer. In fact, the surrender could make things worse. The night they’d made love, she’d decided she wanted to make their marriage real.

  She believed that he did, too. But he was scared, and she didn’t blame him. He’d suffered a devastating loss. Just because they were sexually compatible didn’t mean anything. Part of him probably didn’t want to make their arrangement permanent. He still worried about her being sick. It didn’t matter that she was healing, that her recovery would be complete. She was breakable in his mind, and that equaled loss.