For Better or For Worse Read online

  She closed her eyes. How could Alex not have told her he was replacing Heather with someone else? The thought stung. She knew there were invisible barriers between them. She often felt him distancing himself, but she hadn’t really gotten the impression he was anxious for her to leave when she was well enough.

  Until now.

  Why else hadn’t he consulted her about Heather? He knew Jenny would stay to help out if he asked her. They got along well professionally. They’d had only one real disagreement—over Zeus’s treatment. She respected Alex’s medical knowledge, and as far as she was concerned, he was the best. But on a personal level, a human level, he held back. He let fear form his opinions.

  Zeus should have been allowed to run on his own already, but Alex advised against it. He was too protective, the way he was with the people close to him. Sara’s death had made him cautious, though he’d denied the possibility and become defensive when Jenny pointed it out.

  But other than that one discussion, they never had cross words or got on each other’s nerves. Everything seemed to be going really well. Or so Jenny thought.

  She felt in her pocket for her keys. Heather would be here within a half hour. Jenny didn’t need to stick around. Apparently, Alex didn’t need her at all.

  She blinked away the threat of tears and started the car. A warm lilac-scented bath would make her feel better. So would Alex declaring his love for her. But that wasn’t going to happen.

  * * *

  JENNY’S CAR WAS in the drive, but the kitchen was dark and so was the rest of the house. Alex flipped on the light switch, his stomach in knots.

  “Jen? Where are you?”

  No answer.

  God, if anything had happened to her...

  He flew down the hall and saw light flickering from the guest bathroom. “Jen?”

  “Yes.”

  He briefly closed his eyes and sent up a prayer of thanks. “Are you all right?” he asked, hovering near the door.

  “Of course.” She sighed. “You can come in, Alex.”

  He stepped inside. She was lying in the tub, her head resting on her blow-up bath pillow, half a dozen candles glowing around her. Her hair was piled on her head, and her face was freshly scrubbed. She looked so damn beautiful.

  “I tried calling.”

  “Sorry, it must have been while I was napping. I unplugged the phone.”

  That wasn’t like her. He breathed deeply and moved into the bathroom. He put down the toilet lid and sat beside her. “You left the clinic so abruptly, I was worried.”

  “You don’t need to worry about me, Alex.” She flashed him a smile, a phony one. Her blasé tone, her indifferent expression, everything about her this evening put him on alert.

  He brushed the back of his hand down her cheek, and her eyes drifted shut. “Of course I worry about you.”

  Her eyes flew open, and annoyance flickered in them. “How’s Zeus? You were with him when I left.”

  Great. Not a subject they did well on. He withdrew his hand. “Okay. He’s getting more confident and active.” He knew what she was really getting at. She thought he was too protective, that Zeus should be allowed to roam Sylvia’s property with the other dogs, as he had before. Alex knew better. Hadn’t Sylvia gone through enough heartache with that dog? Why tempt fate?

  Jenny didn’t say anything. She played with the suds covering her breasts, giving him little peeks and shooting his blood pressure up.

  “Jen, is anything wrong?”

  “No, why?”

  “You seem so...I don’t know. Melancholy.”

  She sighed. “Maybe I am a little.” She raised sad eyes to him. God, he wished she’d tell him what was wrong. “Alex, take your clothes off.”

  He smiled. “Take my clothes off?”

  She didn’t smile, just nodded.

  “Okay.” He unbuttoned his shirt while she watched. And then he unzipped his jeans and kicked off his shoes. “You know I can’t fit in that tub with you.”

  “I know.” Her gaze stayed on him. She still seemed sad. He hoped it was the way the light from the candles flickered across her face that made her look that way.

  He got rid of his socks and jeans and stood in his boxer shorts. Her eyes went to his face. He didn’t move but held her gaze, waiting for further instruction.

  “Finish undressing,” she whispered, her gaze dueling with his, challenging him to a game he didn’t understand.

  He slid down the shorts and exposed his arousal. He was so hard and ready he worried he’d embarrass himself. The way she stared at him didn’t help, her lips parted, her eyes glassy with desire.

  “Come here.” He held out a hand to her.

  “Why?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Because I can’t get in there with you.”

  A slight smile curved her mouth, and she lifted a hand to cup one of her breasts. “So?”

  His entire body reacted to the sensual move. “Jen, you’re being sadistic.”

  She laughed softly. “For better or for worse, remember?”

  His heart thudded. Her tone, her words—they were more effective than a dousing of cold water.

  She moved the hand from her breast and touched the tip of his arousal. He was still hard, in spite of what she’d just said, and if she kept stroking him the way she was doing, he’d stay that way. But she released him and took his hand.

  When he realized she was starting to lift herself out of the tub, he pulled her the rest of the way up, drawing her flush against him. He kissed her hard and deep, and she responded with a desperation that aroused him even more.

  He grabbed a towel and quickly dried her off, kissing her throat and breasts as he did. All he could think of was burying himself inside her, reassuring himself she was still here with him.

  As soon as she was dry, he picked her up and carried her to his bedroom. When he laid her on the bed, she wouldn’t let go of his neck, so he sprawled out beside her. He greedily suckled her breasts and slid a hand between her thighs.

  “I want you inside me,” she whispered. “Now.”

  He kissed her one more time on the mouth before grabbing a condom from the nightstand. The entire tone of their lovemaking was different, more desperate, urgent, and yet he wanted to take his time, taste her heat, make her climax over and over again.

  She’d have none of it. She was too impatient. She spread her thighs and tried to guide him to her. He hesitated. She always straddled him so her back wouldn’t feel any pressure.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I promise.”

  He started to protest.

  She put a finger to his lips. “I want you on top of me. Inside me. Now.”

  He had to trust that she knew what she was doing. Slowly, he stretched out over her, careful not to let her absorb too much of his weight.

  She didn’t seem concerned but wrapped her legs around him, kissed him passionately while reaching between them to guide him inside her. Her impatience fueled his hunger, and he had to concentrate, force himself to go slow and not plunge hard and deep.

  But Jenny cupped him from behind and drew him to her while she lifted her hips and ground against him. He couldn’t think, couldn’t articulate his concern. If she didn’t stop, he’d explode at any moment.

  Jenny reveled in Alex’s weight on top of her, the thick heaviness inside her. How right he felt. How perfect they were together. She closed her eyes and pressed harder, wanting him buried as deep inside her as possible. She wanted to pretend he’d never let her go.

  She opened her eyes to find him watching her, his dark gaze unwavering. Unreadable. And then he plunged inside her, and she clung to his shoulders and kissed his neck as the pressure built.

  Alex groaned, and she knew he was close to climaxing. So was she.
She lifted her lips for his kiss, and in the next instant a wave of sensation and emotion washed over her. Her muscles clutched him. He tensed, plunged into her again and cried out her name.

  Jenny just wanted to cry. She loved Alex. With all her heart. And she had no idea what she was going to do about it.

  * * *

  “WHERE ARE YOU going?”

  He hesitated at the edge of the bed. He thought she’d fallen asleep. “The candles are still burning. I’m going to put them out.”

  “Will you come right back?” Her voice was soft and unsure, not at all like the woman who’d driven him crazy for the past hour.

  He leaned across the bed and kissed her parted lips. “I’ll only be a minute.”

  She smiled and snuggled into the pillow.

  Alex couldn’t wait to get the hell out of the bedroom. As soon as he closed the door to the bathroom, he splashed cold water on his face, then stared at himself in the mirror.

  What the hell did he think he was doing? Hadn’t he told himself to keep things cool? To not get in too deep?

  Too deep. What a joke. He was in so deep it would take a miracle to crawl back out. And it was wrong. So damn wrong. He liked Jenny and he wanted her well and happy. But he liked her too much. That was the problem. Because once she was well, she’d leave.

  Cooper’s Corner could never offer her enough opportunity and excitement. Neither could he. Jen had become a sophisticated city girl, and he was a country vet, and their whole arrangement was about health insurance and getting Jenny on her feet. How could he have stupidly lost sight of that reality?

  He should have known better. It wasn’t difficult to get swept up in the illusion. It was natural, of course, living with each other, pretending to be married—it all made the illusion seem so real.

  But there was more—his own failing, his inability to let himself get close to anyone. When Sara had died, it tore him apart. He thought he’d healed. But having Jen in his life brought back bad memories, triggered negative responses he thought he’d put behind him.

  It wasn’t as if he couldn’t enjoy her company or their time together. He thought about making love to her all day, even while he was at the clinic. It was pathetic, at his age, having this sexual obsession like some teenage boy.

  But as long as he didn’t get caught up in the fantasy, he’d be okay. They both would. Jenny wasn’t looking for a white picket fence in Cooper’s Corner. This was a port in the storm for her, and the storm was almost over.

  He finally remembered he’d come in to douse the candles. All but one had already burned down. He put out the remaining flame and took a deep breath. He’d been gone too long. She had to be wondering what had kept him.

  If he were truly an honorable man, he’d stay the hell away from her. It didn’t matter that she was a willing participant or that she’d been rather forward in bringing their relationship to a sexual level. Alex was supposed to be the strong one. He should have put the brakes on.

  But God help him, he couldn’t stay away. Maybe for a day or two, but then he’d come crawling back to her. It was going to be a hell of a lot easier once she was gone and he could go back to his old life of quiet, predictable solitude. Much easier. So why did the thought make him feel so damn hollow inside?

  * * *

  JENNY HEARD HIM return, but she stayed on her side, deep under the covers, facing away from him. The mattress dipped with his weight, and when he touched her shoulder, she dabbed at her cheek in case a stray tear had fallen.

  Something was wrong. She’d felt it before he went to the bathroom. It was that invisible wall he seemed to randomly erect. How could he have done that right after they’d made love?

  His warm fingers lingered on her shoulder. “Are you awake?”

  “No.”

  He laughed. “Okay, so that was a stupid question.” He paused when she refused to turn around. “Tired?”

  “A little,” she said, and immediately felt his withdrawal.

  “Why don’t you take a nap?”

  It was dinnertime. She should get up. Or ask him to join her. He wouldn’t. He’d be afraid to touch her. Hell, she couldn’t even be tired without him thinking she was sick.

  “Yeah, I think I will.”

  “Jen?”

  She held her breath. His tone was low, intimate, almost a caress. The way a man speaks when he tells a woman he loves her. “Yes?”

  “Maybe you should cut back your hours at the clinic.”

  She turned her face deeper into the pillow and swallowed a sob. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  “Sure.” The mattress shifted as he rose. “Get some rest.”

  She said nothing and kept her face buried while she listened to him get dressed. She loved him. He didn’t love her, and the truth hurt like hell.

  It wasn’t his fault. He’d stuck to the rules. She was the one who’d gotten foolishly emotional. But she wouldn’t make things difficult for him. She’d be the same old Jen as always, and in the next couple of months, maybe sooner, she’d make arrangements to leave.

  Steven had called and given her a line on a job. The position wasn’t anything great, and the pay was mediocre, but he’d also offered her his apartment while he and Brian were in Europe for two months. A temporary solution, but at least it would allow her to leave Cooper’s Corner, let Alex get back to his real life.

  The thought of leaving hurt more than a physical blow, and she huddled deeper still, pulling the covers to her chin.

  “Jen?” Alex touched her shoulder again, then combed his fingers through her hair. “I’m going to run into town. Do you need anything?”

  She shook her head. He probably expected her to turn around and kiss him or say something, but she couldn’t. He’d know she’d been crying.

  He let his hand trail down to her shoulders, and he gently rubbed her back a moment. “I’ll be right back.”

  She swallowed hard. “Okay.” Her voice was muffled under the sheet.

  He hesitated, and then she sensed that he’d moved away from the bed. When he got back, she would be in her room. He wouldn’t bother her. He’d let her be. And even if she stayed in his room, it wouldn’t matter. The wall had effectively come up between them.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  ALEX ALWAYS TRIED to see his last patient by noon on Saturdays. Today he finished at eleven-thirty, so he locked up the clinic, checked to make sure his pager was on and headed home.

  Jen’s car was in the drive. He’d hoped she’d be home from the market. She’d become unpredictable in the past month, going out at odd times, taking long drives by herself, almost as if she were testing him.

  Or trying to keep her distance.

  He couldn’t fault her for that, but he didn’t like it. Even though it made sense. Even though he did it himself. When the hell had life gotten so complicated?

  He came in through the kitchen door and paused to throw his keys on the counter. Music blared from the living room—an oldies radio station they both liked.

  Curious, he headed toward the music, then froze at the living room entryway. Jenny sang and danced to the Latin beat. The way she moved took him by surprise. She swayed her hips and moved her feet to the rhythm. How long had she been able to dance like that?

  He knew she’d stopped her physical therapy a month ago, but since she was still doing her exercises at home, he hadn’t taken the next logical step. She wasn’t a hundred percent yet, but she was almost there. Well enough to work, of course. Well enough to make love.

  Well enough to leave.

  His heart fell to his stomach, and his chest tightened painfully. Had his denial been that strong that he couldn’t see how much better she’d gotten? But it was too soon. The doctor said recovery would take longer...a few more months at least...

 
Jenny turned and saw him. She jumped, putting a hand to her throat. “You scared the heck out of me.”

  He stood there, speechless. He didn’t know what to say.

  She frowned and lowered the radio volume. “What’s wrong?”

  Alex shook his head. For the life of him he couldn’t think of a thing to say. What was there to say, anyway? Don’t go? Stay here in this Podunk town, keep working in my little clinic, be my wife forever, and by the way, never get sick again?

  “Alex?” She walked to him, fear and concern in her eyes. “Please tell me what’s wrong. You look—awful.”

  He shook his head again. “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  Her face was filled with so much worry it made him angrier with himself. He was the strong one, the one who was supposed to worry. Not her. He had to pull himself together.

  Jen took his hand. Hers was so warm it gave him comfort. “Come sit with me.”

  He let her lead him to the couch, and they sat. Close. Closer than they had in two weeks.

  “Alex, you’re frightening me. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  He shrugged, trying to look blasé. “I just didn’t expect to see you dancing.”

  Jen blushed. “That wasn’t dancing, exactly. I was just swaying and moving, sort of getting familiar with my body again.” She squeezed his hand. “I’ve been so out of step with myself, pardon the pun.” She smiled. He tried and failed. “It seems the only time I’m at peace with myself physically is when we make love.”

  Her cheeks got pink again, and she looked at their joined hands.

  He lifted her chin. “I don’t understand. But I want to.”

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Will you try?”

  “Getting sick like I did and then finding the tumor, well, it seemed like a betrayal. I know that probably doesn’t make sense to you.” She shrugged and looked away. “But I’d always been healthy and strong and in charge of my life. And then everything got turned upside down.”

  He squeezed her hand encouragingly. It was beginning to make sense.

  “Getting sick seemed like a punishment, but I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. And the punishment kept coming. I lost my job. I had no resources to get the medical attention I needed.” Her lips curved in a faint smile. “And then you came along, and things started to get better, but I’d already lost touch with myself. The surgery, the recovery period—all were necessary, but they further distanced me from myself.” She made a face. “This probably isn’t making any sense to you.”