For Better or For Worse Read online

  He stared blankly at her. All he could think about was how she’d referred to her recovery period in the past tense. It was over. Really over. Jenny was well. She didn’t need to stick around anymore.

  “I told you it was hard to explain,” she said, pulling her hand away and hugging herself. Her cheeks had gotten pink again, and she seemed embarrassed.

  “I’m sorry. It does make sense, and I was just processing what you said.” God, he was such an ass. What a traumatic time she’d had, and all he could think about was himself. How damn much he was going to miss her.

  She sighed. “It’s almost like I’m getting reacquainted with myself.”

  He smiled. “Well, I hope you like Jenny as much as I do.”

  A stricken look crossed her face. It was gone almost as quickly, but he’d seen the flicker of pain. He didn’t get it. His remark wasn’t negative. He had meant to comfort. Did she think it would lead to something else? That he’d beg her to stay?

  This chapter in Jen’s life was over. That much he got. She needed to go back to the city, back to the work she loved. They’d still be friends. After what they’d been through together, how could they not be? They’d keep in touch, talk on the phone once a week or so in the beginning, but she’d be busy building her new life....

  He stood, and she jerked at his abruptness. He had to go. He couldn’t stay and let her see how much he wanted to keep her here.

  Fear gripped him like a vise. Even if she agreed, it wouldn’t work. What if the tumor came back? What if they found another one? What if he let himself love her and something happened?

  No way. He couldn’t love like that again. It would be too risky. Jenny had to go, and he had to let her.

  She got up and faced him. The sadness in her eyes broke his heart. He wanted to run but stayed where he was, his stomach tensing when she touched his cheek. It took all his willpower not to pull her into his arms. That kind of weakness would only prolong the inevitable. Jen would leave, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

  Not a damn thing he should do about it.

  “Alex, I don’t—” She paused, moistened her lips.

  He said nothing, but stared back, expressionless.

  She lowered her hand, walked to the radio and turned it off. “I’ll start dinner in a couple of hours. I’m going to go lie down.”

  That seemed sudden. Apprehensive, he studied her gait. She wasn’t limping. “Did you hurt yourself dancing?”

  She turned sad eyes to him. “No, dancing didn’t hurt me at all.”

  * * *

  JENNY FILED THE pharmaceutical invoices and organized the clinic’s accounts receivable. She had to keep busy or she’d lose it. The new assistant, Cindy, started work tomorrow. Alex had hired her to work full time, which meant there would be little need for Jenny.

  That wasn’t the only thing that had her distracted and weepy. They hadn’t made love in two weeks. Alex always had an excuse, everything short of a damn headache. Plato talked to her more than Alex did these days, and she was pathetically grateful to the bossy bird.

  It was getting pretty obvious that Alex wanted her to leave. He never said anything, though. Of course, he didn’t have to. His avoidance of her was hint enough.

  “Jen?” He walked out of his office with a chart in his hands. The top button of his shirt was undone, and she could see a smattering of light-colored hair.

  She wanted to undress him. Lock the clinic door, take the phone off the hook and spend the afternoon making mad passionate love. “Yes?”

  “I think I screwed up and booked two appointments for the same time while you went to pick up lunch. Would you check it out for me?”

  “Sure.” She hid a smile. Damn it, he needed her.

  “Oh, and one more thing—”

  The clinic door opened, and a young blond woman with a long ponytail gingerly stepped inside.

  “Hello, Cindy.” Alex greeted her with a warm smile. “I heard you got back from Boston yesterday.”

  She nodded, her gaze darting to Jenny. She looked so young and nervous. But Alex was easy to work for. He’d put her at ease the first day.

  “Have you met Jenny?” he asked, not mentioning she was his wife.

  Why should he? In another month or so, she probably wouldn’t be his wife anymore. A lump formed in her throat, and she knew she’d have to excuse herself.

  “Hi.” Cindy gave her a shy smile, then immediately turned to Alex and cringed. “Dr. McAlester, I have to talk to you.”

  Alex set down the chart. “I hope you aren’t nervous about starting tomorrow.”

  Cindy pressed her lips together, her face starting to turn red. She took a deep breath and blurted, “I won’t be coming tomorrow. I can’t work here.” She sniffed. “I’m really, really sorry, Dr. McAlester. My mom is so mad at me for doing this to you, but I’ve decided to move to Boston.”

  “Okay.” Surprise flashed across Alex’s face. He was displeased, but he didn’t show it.

  Jenny knew he was upset because of the way he raked a hand through his hair and clenched his fist. Amazing how well she’d gotten to know his little quirks over the past five months.

  She swallowed the dangerous hope that rose in her chest and crowded her throat. He’d need her to fill in until he got someone else. And maybe, in the meantime...

  Oh, God, why did she do this to herself? He didn’t want her to stay. He would have asked by now. He wouldn’t be making it so easy for her to leave.

  “I’m so sorry, Dr. McAlester, I really am.” The poor young woman looked close to tears.

  Alex smiled and crossed the room to put a hand on Cindy’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I understand.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded, looking so much like the man Jenny had grown to love that her heart ached. Kind. Patient. Understanding. She hadn’t seen much of that man in the past month. In fact, she hadn’t seen much of him at all.

  He chuckled. “Really.”

  Cindy sighed with relief. “I wish my mom and dad were taking it this well. They think I’m nuts.”

  Jenny laughed. “That’s their job.”

  They both looked at her in surprise, almost as if they’d forgotten she was there. Or maybe they hadn’t expected her to throw in her two cents. She didn’t care—she was just too darn happy over this new development. “You should have seen my father’s face when I told him I was moving to Boston. You would’ve thought I’d grown another head.”

  Cindy’s eyes lit with interest. “Were you young then?”

  Jenny threw Alex a wounded look that made him grin. “A couple of years older than you are now. I’d just finished community college over in Quincy.”

  “Did you stay in the city long? My parents think I’ll be back before Christmas. But I won’t.”

  Maybe not by Christmas, Jenny thought, but she’d be back. “Long enough.”

  “Why did you move back here?”

  Jenny slid a look at Alex. His face was totally expressionless. “Things change. Life changes.”

  Cindy gave her a puzzled look, then shrugged. “I can’t wait. I’m using my graduation money to get an apartment and everything. I know exactly where I want to live.” Her youthful exuberance put a knot in Jenny’s stomach. “Well, Dr. McAlester...” She placed her hand on the doorknob. “Thanks for not yelling at me.”

  He chuckled. “Why would I do that?” He lifted his chin. “Go on. You must have a lot of things to do. Have fun in Boston.”

  Cindy gave him a smile of gratitude, then left.

  Alex didn’t say anything, just stared at the closed door.

  “She’ll be back.” Jenny finally broke the silence. “Unfortunately, that doesn’t help you right now.”

  He frowned at her. “What makes you think she
’ll be back?”

  “She’s young. The grass looks greener in the city.” She grinned. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

  He didn’t seem amused. “You were young when you left. You didn’t come back.”

  “I’m here.”

  An odd hint of disgust crossed his face. “Only because you had to come back. Most of your school friends left, too. You don’t see them flocking back.” He waved a dismissive hand as if he were bored with the conversation. “But that’s neither here nor there.”

  She stared at him. He was right. Most of the ones who’d left hadn’t returned. They were spread out across the country, honing careers or raising children. Her attitude toward Cooper’s Corner was different.

  He picked up the chart he’d left on the desk. “I have a few calls to make—”

  “Alex, wait.” She let out a breath. “You don’t really have to hire anyone else. I, uh, I’ve been managing fine alone.”

  “Of course I do. You’re leaving.” His voice was so matter-of-fact it broke her heart. “But I was hoping you could give the new person some training before then.”

  She forced a laugh. “It’s not like I’m leaving right away.”

  His eyes met hers, his expression grim. “Yeah, but you are leaving, Jen.”

  She shivered. It almost sounded like an ultimatum. God, was he really that sick of her?

  He lowered the chart. “I guess now is as good a time as any to bring this up. I know you’re probably anxious to get back to New York. I have some money for you. Not a lot but enough to pay for an apartment and living expenses for a few months until you get back on your feet.”

  She stared at him, speechless. She understood what he’d said. She just couldn’t believe it. Didn’t want to believe he was this anxious for her to leave.

  “Thank you,” she finally said when she could trust her voice not to crack, “but that isn’t necessary.”

  “Consider it a loan, if you want. You can pay me back when the farm sells,” Alex said.

  She shook her head. She doubted there’d be any money left from the sale of the farm, but that was hardly the point.

  “Steven—you remember him? He called last week and gave me a lead on a job.” She gave a nonchalant shrug. “I really lucked out. He’s even offered me his apartment while he and Brian are in Europe.”

  Alex blinked. “Great.”

  She waited for him to say more. He just stood there, that damned expressionless mask in place. She couldn’t take it another minute.

  “Tell you what,” she said, grabbing her purse and keys. “I have an errand to run, and at the same time I’ll go put an ad in the paper. I’m sure you won’t have trouble finding someone.”

  “Thanks.” At least he had the good grace not to look happy about it. “You don’t need to come back. I’ll see you at home.”

  She forced a smile and hurried away before she burst out crying.

  * * *

  “HELLO, JENNY, WAY TO GO.”

  “Shut up, Plato.” That bird sounded too much like Alex. She should have tried doing her exercises in the kitchen, where she wouldn’t get any coaching. Or cheerleading. Or reminders that she’d worn out her welcome.

  Thinking about her conversation with Alex caused her to misstep. She sank to the floor in defeat. But she wouldn’t cry anymore. Not another tear would be wasted. She was well, almost fully recovered, and that was the deal they’d made.

  Damn it.

  She sniffed and forced herself to her feet.

  “Push harder, Jenny.”

  She glared at Plato. “You have no idea how truly close you are to being thrown in a pot.”

  “Push harder, Jenny.”

  She groaned in exasperation, then thought for a moment. Maybe that was the answer. If she pushed hard, too hard, she might set herself back. Have to stay longer. Alex wouldn’t throw her out.

  Appalled that she’d even entertained the idea for a second, she moved to the couch, stretched out and stared at the ceiling. She’d never pull anything like that. Aside from the ploy being manipulative and pathetic, it wouldn’t be fair to Alex. He’d put his life on hold long enough for her.

  She closed her eyes, mentally kicking herself. How could she have misread him so badly? She’d convinced herself that his feelings had evolved into love just as hers had.

  Sometimes when he watched her—not just when they were making love, but at odd times, like when they were eating or watching the news—he’d have this tender look on his face that made her think...

  Oh, God, why was she doing this to herself? She could analyze his behavior and every facial expression he’d ever made, and it wouldn’t change anything. He wanted her gone. For all the tender looks, she’d seen fear, too. It probably scared him witless that he’d never get rid of her.

  She opened her eyes, riveting her gaze on the picture of Sara that stood on the mantel. Or maybe he was afraid to let himself feel anything. Jenny’s insides tightened. He’d once told her he’d never marry again. Maybe he had developed feelings, and it scared the hell out of him.

  She sat up, excitement and hope making her a little light-headed. It was entirely possible. In fact, she’d been rather dense not to have considered the possibility.

  “Push harder, Jenny.”

  She looked at Plato. She’d pushed hard, all right, throughout her whole recovery period. She’d religiously made every physical therapy appointment, persisted in every home exercise, no matter how much she ached, so that her body would get well.

  Wasn’t her emotional well-being, her chance at love and happiness just as important? Was she so wimpy she’d leave without a fight? Let him look her in the eyes and tell her they had nothing.

  She got up and winked at Plato. “You’re right. I’m going to push so hard he’ll have to carry me out of here himself.”

  * * *

  ALEX SAT AT his desk and stared at his calendar. He had no idea what he’d intended to do next. He’d been distracted all afternoon. Ever since Jen told him she had a lead on a job and an apartment.

  So why should it bother him? He wanted her to go, right? She had her life, and he had his. The longer she stayed, the harder it was going to be.

  He’d have to have a talk with her before she left and make sure she understood she always had a place to come home to... Except this wasn’t her home. Still, if she ever got sick again, or the tumor came back...

  The mere idea paralyzed him with fear. He took a deep breath. He’d be careful how he worded the offer, but he had to do it, had to make sure she knew she had a place to come to and get well if she ever got sick again.

  The thought unnerved him. He didn’t want her in his life because he didn’t want to risk loving and losing her. Yet there was no doubt in his mind that if Jen were in trouble, he would want to be by her side no matter what it cost him.

  The concept was startling. He picked up the bottle of water he kept on his desk and took a long, cool sip. This didn’t make sense. Not one bit. He must be too rattled to think straight.

  He set down the water and swore. How could he deny that he already loved her? That the minute she stepped out of his door, he’d experience a loss every bit as great as he had with Sara? Of course Jen would be alive and well and happy somewhere. And he’d be grateful. But that wouldn’t fill the void in his heart, the pain of not being able to touch her each day and sleep beside her each night.

  He locked his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. So now what? He couldn’t tell her how he felt. She’d feel obligated to stick around. He couldn’t stand that, knowing she wanted to return to the city but was staying out of a sense of obligation.

  Damn, how did this get so complicated? How could he have been so stupid as to get emotionally involved? He knew better. Then and now. But that didn’t help the heavine
ss in his heart.

  The phone rang, and he was tempted to ignore it. But the clinic was still officially open for another half hour, and besides, it could be Jenny. That possibility had him grabbing the receiver.

  “Dr. McAlester? It’s Sylvia Samm. I was wondering if I could bring Zeus in tomorrow.”

  He straightened. “What’s wrong with him?”

  “Nothing, really. I just wanted to make sure he was healing properly.”

  Alex relaxed. “Zeus is healed already, Sylvia. He doesn’t need a checkup, and frankly, he doesn’t need you keeping him penned up like you do.” After a lengthy silence, he said, “Sylvia?”

  “I’m just worried about him. I don’t want him to hurt himself. He’s been through enough.” She sniffed defensively. “Anyway, I thought you agreed with me.”

  He scrubbed at his eyes. “I was wrong. Zeus deserves to have as normal a life as possible. Yes, he may hurt himself while getting adjusted, but he’ll survive, and he’ll be much happier. He can’t do that if you’re being overprotective.”

  “I don’t understand you, Dr. McAlester. Not at all.” She hung up.

  Alex sighed. “I don’t understand myself,” he whispered as he replaced the receiver. That’s when he saw her. Jen stood at the door, a smile starting to curve her lips.

  “Good advice,” she said. “Sounds familiar.”

  “Okay, so you were right.” He watched her walk in and swing around his desk. There was something different about her.

  Not physically. Her shiny cinnamon hair was pulled into its usual clip, and she had on the same jeans and T-shirt she wore earlier. But the determination in her eyes, the confidence in her posture put him on alert.

  She stopped right beside him and slid a hip onto his desk.